The National Football League has opened up an investigation on NY Giants head coach, Ben MacAdoo. Frank Shinker has been named the special investigator. "Look at this guy. How could he not be a child molester or at least like a serial flasher?" Frank argued at the NFL's press conference on Sunday. "Listen, we don't have any proof right now, but it's obvious this guy is hiding something." Investigator Shinker asked for the public's help in bringing MacAdoo to justice.
"We need your help to catch this sick bastard. Please take a look at the following pictures and ask yourself, 'Is this man who he says he is?' Is he actually a professional football coach? Or is he some sicko that gets off from little kids? MacAdoo? Is that even a real name?! It's probably fake just like his football persona. The Giants are dog shit. How did MacAdoo even get this job? Is the Giants owner also a pedophile? How deep does this scandal go? And, look at how he watches Eli Manning - staring longingly. He's probably imagining what it'd feel like to wear Eli's skin like that guy from Silence of the Lambs. It puts the football in the bread basket. This greasy piece of shit belongs behind bars."
UPDATE: As of Monday, October 23rd, the NFL has fired Frank Shinker and closed the investigation. The NFL released the following apology, "Our bad, Ben."