Mom Who Curses 300 Times A Day Has No Fucking Idea How You Learned To Talk Like That

June 1, 2019

Report: Christ’s Blood Mostly Backwash

May 17, 2019

Vampire Robert Pattinson Returns To Bat Form

April 11, 2019

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April 20, 2018

"Oh shit, I even did my Calculus homework. I really need to stop smoking pot."

April 15, 2018

"Wow, this is a huge loss for the neighborhood," said Robert Klotz, neighbor to Kevin Greenwood who broke his arm Friday in an untimely fishing accident. "Kevin is our go-to guy on the grill. He's hosted the neighborhood barbecue for the last ten years.  The guy's a pr...

March 3, 2018

"We honestly had no idea," said Trudy Anderson, mother of the recently deceased girl.  "She usually goes up to her room and stares at her phone for hours on end with zero human interaction.  Nothing seemed abnormal."  Initial autopsie reports show that the girl died fr...

February 22, 2018

"I'm not sure if she thinks she's having a conversation with someone at the water cooler, or if she is actually engaging in a conversation with the water cooler," says Tamika Robinson, a confused spectator. "Sarah has an annoying tendency to talk at people rather than...

January 29, 2018

Puppy Bowl star, Snickers, will not play in the upcoming Puppy Bowl XIV after allegations of domestic abuse.  The star player's long time girlfriend, Buttercup, accused the puppy of excessive roughhousing that turned violent.  Early reports suggest that drugs and alcoh...

January 11, 2018

The smoke was almost as thick as the irony on Friday, when the Clemson Fire Extinguisher Company caught ablaze.  The fire spread throughout the building, originating on the factor floor where the factory produces fire extinguishers sold around the world.  "I know what...

December 28, 2017

"When the doctor told us Sparky didn't have much time left, we decided to put him to rest in a peaceful and respectful way, by firing squad." Said local dog owner, Jennifer Groswall.  "So my husband Greg, fourteen year old son, George, and eight year old daughter, Miss...

December 15, 2017

"He just stood there butt-ass naked," said local YMCA patron,Terrance Woods. "So he's standing there, in the middle of the walkway, mind you, and he decides to put on his tube socks first!" Terrance shrieks recalling the horrific incident. "This guy's gotta be pushing...

December 5, 2017

"I know it's the right thing to do because everyone else is doing it," said local teenager, Sara Briter, moments before plummeting to her untimely death.

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